Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Rough Morning

I’ve tried my best to stay positive on this blog. Even though I have a terrible case of working-mom guilt, I’ve tried to keep my daily struggle to myself. After all, there’s only so much negativity one’s readers can take. But this morning I need to vent.

I was hoping to sneak out of the house before she awoke, but the minute I tiptoed into her room, Bianca stirred and open her eyes. I stood there next to her crib – motionless – hoping she would drift back to sleep. But as soon as her eyes caught mine, they opened wide. She answered my “good morning” with, “Good morning, Mommy” and a smile.

Though I had to leave for work within minutes, I took the time to change her, give her some milk, and hold her in my lap for a few precious moments. I told her that I loved her very much, but I had to go to work. And that’s when the tears started to fall. She cried, I cried, and I suspect that Harry was crying on the inside, perhaps questioning the ability to fully provide for his family.

I was a wreck as I walked out the door, and that all-too familiar pain in my chest and gut was stronger than usual. I had difficulty breathing, and driving to work was a real challenge. All I wanted to do was turn around and go home and cuddle with my daughter.

People have reassured me that being a working mom and leaving your little ones does get easier. My only question is WHEN? When will it get easier? Because my Little One is almost two years old, and I still have these days when I just can’t handle it.
All I can do is pray that one day our financial situation will change and I can be a stay-at-home mom, or at least work a part-time job that will allow me to spend more time with our children.

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